“People don’t want to hear about your grief when they are too busy living. It forces them to look in the mirror and confront their own mortality”
If your biggest problems relate to issues with relationships or future success, consider yourself lucky.
Just last year, my biggest problem was having two pimples appear on my clear skin due to exam stress. A few months ago, I remember having severe breakdowns as I wanted to drop out of university and the stress of being a “failure” started taking its toll. But one thing I can say for sure is that back then, I didn’t know how much worse life could actually get.
Dropping out of university was definitely one of the best decisions of my life. In the last 6 months, I became the girl who absolutely loved life and what it had to offer. Absolutely everything was going my way and I had nothing to pray for. It was almost like everything I touched, turned into gold – I got every job I applied for, every holiday I asked for, every friendship I’d dreamt of having. I started leading a life which people either envied or looked up to. I’ve always believed and preached the concept of being fearless and living life to the full but this was definitely magnified in the last few months.
Unfortunately, things don’t go well for too long. On the 13th of April, I woke up to hearing that my grandmother, one of the very few people who actually mattered, was suddenly in a critical condition. I was told to pray as there was a possibility she could die. I remember completely brushing that off (I genuinely couldn’t have cared less) and choosing an outfit for the day as it was Vaisakhi – a very holy occasion for Sikhs and one of the reasons why we were in India at the time. Now whoever’s reading this must be wondering why I didn’t react to the possibility that she could die at all. I was so happy with my life that all my other emotions were nulled. In my world, there was no possibility of her dying and people were getting stressed for no reason. The only two thoughts that presented themselves were “She’ll be back home from hospital today, and if not today, tomorrow.”
Why I prioritised choosing an outfit and being the usual happy self I am over praying for her to survive was simply because of my faith. They say faith can move mountains but it’s what fucked me up. Having visited one of the holiest shrines in the world just two days before, I knew I didn’t have to pray hard again because my prayers would’ve already been answered and this was just a test. What I didn’t know was that the test would involve taking her away from me forever. Yeah. 7:36am. Whilst I was patiently waiting for a “Happy Vaisakhi” message from her, she was taking her last breaths. All of a sudden, the group chats stopped buzzing and we received a message saying “she’s gone.” At this point, I didn’t know what to do, how to feel or what to say. My world had literally just fallen to pieces but the birds were still singing? The sun was still rising and setting? But that’s the thing about the world, it doesn’t stop for anyone.
For those of you that have been through something similar, you’d assume that the support you get from close friends and family can help the journey of grieving and I’m sure it does but from my personal experience, there was no support in the first place. All I got was a heartless “sorry for your loss.” Multiple times. From close friends. It never fails to surprise me how even my acquaintances sent more heartfelt messages. A part of me says that these “friends” are just ignorant and maybe they do care but just don’t know what to say? Or they’re just so self absorbed, they can’t think of anyone but themselves and their partners? Is it that they’re just so stressed with exams, they’re unable to spare a few minutes to ask me if I’m okay? Spare a few minutes to call me? Spare a fucking few minutes to meet me?
For a friend that lives 10 minutes away, are you really not able to meet me or can you just not be bothered?
For a friend that’s always online, and always replies immediately, does it really take hours to reply?
Am I asking for too much?
The one thing I have learnt from this is that no one cares. And that I am alone despite being surrounded by 100s of “friends.”
It’s almost been four weeks and although I’d like to say that I’m the girl who’s learning to love life again, I’m not. As of now, I wake up everyday fearing life. Fearing every second that someone who matters could be taken away from me and that is, if it’s not me.
For the individuals that genuinely do not know how to provide support when a close one is grieving, I found this article helpful:
Please don’t hesitate to comment your thoughts below!